It’s HARDC(apco)OOOOOOORE!

I love a challenge. From Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne’s bosses which require you to formulate a strategy that you will only figure out once you’re already dead, from trying to get all S-Ranks in Devil May Cry 3, even those missions I was bitching about in God Eater.

But you know what I love more? Fanwhores.

Really, really, really dumb fanwhores.

I can’t help but laugh at them. For those of you who never read Dueling Analogs–be thankful. If you’re the author of Dueling Analogs, no, I did not just give you more traffic, because there probably isn’t anyone reading this blog, you failtroll.

Wow, I get off topic easily when retards are involved. Continue reading

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GMod: Really, people? REALLY?

I’ve never used GMod. I know that it’s apparently cool and all, but I’ve just never been bothered with it. I guess the primary reason is that I don’t feel like spending ten bucks in order to make Team Fortress 2 character models into little ragdolls in order to participate in the most utterly pointless fads that aren’t even funny.

And sometimes, just sometimes, they get to be really, really bad. No, I mean, atrocious. And then the likes outweigh the dislikes.

I’ve been told that a sense of humor is a sign of intelligence. If that’s the case, than more than 80,000 people are drooling retards who have no idea what the fuck a “joke” is.

Case in point.

This… This thing. What is this? I haven’t seen anything this bad since… Since the CD-i games. Hell, at least those were fascinating to watch because of the sheer bat-shit insanity they had in them. This piece of garbage? No. I refuse to call this anything other than a useless shit pile that has just wasted three and a half minutes of your life.

Here’s the thing about jokes. You can’t just throw one character into an out of place situation and say “oh look isn’t this funny herp derp.”

Look, kid, you have a vague grasp of using GMod. Good for you. Great. Now please, do us a favor, and don’t post your crap on the internet because your pwecious famiwy encouraged you on it, saying it was “great” and you should “keep working at it.”

My family encouraged me to do a lot of shit, most of which I never did, and I especially never put it on YouTube, because I realized it sucked. The only stuff I have on YouTube are video tests for something I will probably never get around to and a couple of music tracks. Because those don’t suck horribly. They can’t.

You, however, appear to be in denial. You think your stuff is good enough for the internet. Hint: It’s not.

And that’s all folks.

~Geek out.

WHAT DID I JUST GOD DAMN SAY

Now, I like a challenge. I really, really do. But you know what’s just plain unfair? Sicking three major bosses that I classify under the Why Won’t You Die? trope on me. At the same time. In a small area that makes it hard to split enemy forces up. When all of these bosses are fast and fire very nasty projectiles at me.

Hey, guys, remember when I said that? Y’know, last post? Remember how I was talking about a mission in God Eater where you had to fight two Chi-Yous and one Vajra at the same time? Haha, wasn’t that a good time? Yeah, good thing that was the only mission like that.

Anyway, if you guys need me, I’ll still be playing GE.

Let’s see, Difficulty Six, sounds good… Let’s see and… Wait, no. Hahaha, no. That’s funny guys. But no, seriously, what’s the next mission I have to do?

… Hahaha, hahaha, ha. Ha. Hahahaha. Ha. Ha. FUCKING. HA.

One Chi-You.

One fallen Chi-You.

One Vajra.

In a level comprised entirely of narrow corridors.

And every single one of them is chasing me.

AND ONLY ME.

And the moment I actually manage to separate them the partner A.I. decides to come meet up with me. And bring the fucking Street Fighter Wannabe Birds with them.

Y’know, Monster Hunter never pulled this shit. Ever. No. Fuck you. What is wrong with you. This is the kind of territory even Shin Megami Tensei doesn’t dare tread. It doesn’t make you ballsy. It makes you look like a retard who can’t figure out how to make a game legitimately difficult.

Some Game Design Tips

I play a lot of video games. From Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne, to Tales of the Abyss, to Marathon, and all other sorts of different games. Recently, I stumbled upon a little gem called God Eater. Okay, technically the title of the one released here in the United States is called Gods Eater Burst, but I think just saying “God Eater” is a lot easier.

Now, I love God Eater. I’ve played over ten hours of it already, and I know everyone on the entire planet has already made the comparison, but it’s like a fast-paced Monster Hunter with fifty times more ridiculous anime bullshit where you swing around a sword twice your weight at speeds no human with the muscle build of a swimsuit model could possibly do. GE is fast, looks good, easy to get the hang of, and most importantly; fun.

Now, GE doesn’t have all the depth of MH, and that’s fine by me. In fact GE has a lot of things that MH didn’t, such as a lack of grinding hit boxes that weren’t complete bullshit, and friendly A.I. that could actually fight. Need an item from a monster to make a weapon? Go fight just one of those monsters, as opposed to 18, and you’ve got everything you need. GE also features tutorials telling you how to do everything you’ll need to know, you don’t need to gather up an entire armor set for one skill, you don’t have to worry about negative skills having an unreasonable impact on your fighting, etcetera, etcetera.

Look, you and I both know I’m not bringing this up just to talk about how awesome the game is. I could do that, but I’ll save that for comparing good games with bad games that have bigger fanbases. So why am I bringing up GE? Simple.

Continue reading

Japan: You will never find a greater hive of weird porn and whatthefuckery.

So a friend and I–he says I should refer to him as BaconMouth (which I believe is his site here)–had a conversation. It went like this.

thegeeklord (11:00:03 PM): http://agtp.romhack.net/project.php?id=madou

thegeeklord (11:00:06 PM): This game is retarded.

thegeeklord (11:00:13 PM): YOU GET ANY ONE WISH

thegeeklord (11:00:22 PM): So what will be the wish I shall work for?

thegeeklord (11:00:24 PM): World peace?

thegeeklord (11:00:30 PM): All stupid people to be genocided?

thegeeklord (11:00:35 PM): (Which also leads to world peace)

thegeeklord (11:00:55 PM): NOPE, I’m going to go wish for a fucking certificate a kindergardener needs to take a final exam!

Continue reading

DAT ANTI-TERRORISM

(Note: Reposted from my Tumblr which I will probably never, ever use again.)

Greetings everyone, and welcome to my blog. I’m your host, the Geek Lord. Don’t take that name too seriously, now. The only geek mastery I have is over Monster Hunter. Anyway, I’ve had this blog for quite a while now, but I haven’t really done anything with it, so I decided, “Hey, I like writing, and I like ranting, and I like talking about stuff, so let’s do all three!”

Generally, I plan on using this blog for talking about whatever the fuck I feel like, be it how Fox News is full of bias, retarded, inbred bigots, how (insert video game here) is fucking awesome, or, in the case of this post, how America, as a country, is completely fucked.

The story goes that I couldn’t decide on a first topic to talk about, so I went and asked some guys in an anime chatroom that I hang around for help. One of the members gladly obliged when I made a passing mention about the whole “me ranting” part.

With a very, very, disturbing video.

Now, let me explain a few things about my feelings towards other human beings. I hate people, and small children especially. Bunch of annoying snot-nosed brats. But they can’t exactly help that, now can they? And you know what? They grow up. They have experiences that shape them into the human beings of tomorrow. I was an annoying shit once. I grew out of it. All kids’ll grow out of it.

But hey, you know what makes a great fucking adult? That’s right, aPERMANENTLY SCARED CHILD.

To quote Nash, what the fuck is wrong with you? You’re patting down a fucking child. For anti-terrorism measures. It’s a 6-year-old child. SIX. You’re going to fuck up that kid’s head and she’s going to grow up mentally screwed. And you know what this is not fucking preventing? It’s not fucking helping preventing terrorist attacks, you moronic shitstains.

To quote someone else I know, “I mean, if you’re the kind of person who wants to molest people in broad daylight, the government’s made a job for you.” Now, I don’t believe that every single TSA member is some Law & Order: Special Victims Unit antagonist, but it still drives the point home that this whole anti-terrorist mindset is fucking retarded.

Yes, I like not being blown up. I like being intact, I like being alive. On the other hand, one of the events that caused all of these stupid fucking laws to come into place? If memory serves correctly, I do believe it was some guy who snuck a bomb onto a plane, but it didn’t go off, and no one got hurt. You know why? The fucking passengers tackled the mother fucker. The. Fucking. Passengers. We’re big boys, TSA, and we appreciate you want to keep us safe, but sometimes, just sometimes, we can take care of ourselves.

And then you don’t have to stick your hands onto other people’s vaginas to confirm that this frequent fucking flier is, in fact, not a fucking terrorist.

Sweet fucking Ken Ishikawa, you people are dumb. I don’t think this is that hard to figure out. People aren’t fucking terrorists. A few religious nut jobs might be, but not every single fucking person who wants to go visit their fucking family for fucking Christmas is going to try and blow up the fucking plane they’re on.

Do I even need to say anything more? At all? By this point in my life I’m convinced the government is really just a collection of aliens who have no fucking idea how humans act and react to basic fucking things like too much fucking security. When you give us the choices of being exposed to radioactivity to have our naked fucking bodies be shown to some guys we can’t see, or getting fucking molested by security members, you need to fucking stop and think.

I don’t mean think about what you’ve done, I mean think to confirm if you’re even fucking capable of thinking.

(Also note: Sorry about having the word “fuck” pretty much every alternate word. I’m more or less too lazy at the moment to fix this yet, so… Yeah. I might edit it later, I might not. Either way, it doesn’t really matter. – Geek)